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| بهترین ها را از HOT بخواهید ! |
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خدایا به خاطر تمام چیزهایی که دادی، ندادی، دادی پس گرفتی، ندادی بعدا دادی، ندادی بعدا می خوای بدی، دادی بعدا می خوای پس بگیری، داده بودی و پس گرفته بودی، اگه بدی پس می گیری، پس گرفتی دادی، پس گرفتی بعدا می خوای بدی، اگه می دادی پس می گرفتی، نداده بودی فکر می کردیم دادی و پس گرفتی، خلاصه خداجون سرتو درد نیارم به خاطر همه شکر! لوتی ترین اس ام اس سال: به گزارش مرکز هواشناسی، آسمان امروز کمی تا قسمتی ابری همراه با بارش ملایم هواپیما خواهد بود! من دیگه از این زندگی خسته شدم...
اگر می خواهید فرزندتان در دانشگاه سهمیه داشته باشد،
سازمان هواپیمایی کشور اعلام کرد: از این پس برای گرفتن بلیت هواپیما، علاوه بر ارائه شناسنامه، ارائه وصیتنامه معتبر هم لازم است! ما بی تو، تا دنیاست، دنیایی نداریم تور ويژه نوروز 90: سفر به سواحل زيبای بهشت با پروازهای هواپيمايی X
با خرید بلیط دوطرفه (رفت و برگشت) هواپیما ریسک نکنید، فقط یک طرفه بخرید تا هیچ وقت ضرر نکنید. |
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+ نوشته شده در
چهارشنبه سیزدهم بهمن 1389ساعت 0:8 توسط NIMA |
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مدارک لازم جهت خرید بلیط هواپیمایی جمهوری اسلامی ایران:
1- امضای تاییدیه منطقه جغرافیایی برخورد با زمین (همه جای ایران سرای من است) 2- تلفن اضطراری جهت اعلام سقوط به ترتیب اولویت خانواده همسر، خانواده خود، طلبکاران، بدهکاران 3- کپی وصیت نامه به همراه رضایت نامه امضا شده. 4- فیش بانکی مربوط به غسل میت با آب غیر یارانهای. 5- فیش بانکی هزینه امتحان شفاهی شهادتین. 6- مبلغ 200 هزار تومان بابت قطع درختان محل سقوط به حساب شهرداری. 7- فیش بانکی به مبلغ 50 هزار تومان عوارض خروج از جهان هستی. 8- فیش بانکی به مبلغ 20 هزار تومان بابت تسلیت از رسانه ملی. متن خوشامدگویی جدید در هواپیمایی جمهوری اسلامی: سلام و صلوات بر روح تمام مسافرین عزیز ورود شما را به پرواز ابدی هواپیمایی جمهوری اسلامی خوشامد می گوییم. خداوندا! مشیت خودت را در رسیدن و لقا خود بر ما قرار ده و سرعت آن فزون فرما. مقصد ما به احتمال 99% بهشت موعود و به احتمال 1% مقصدی که بر روی بلیط درج شده می باشد. بستن کمربندها اصلا ضرورتی ندارد، چرا که بستن و نبستن آن برای ورود به بهشت الزامی نمی باشد. در صورت بروز اشکال درسیستم هوای کابین ماسک هایی از بالای سر شما آویزان خواهند شد که شما قبل از آن رایحه ی خوش ملائکه را احساس خواهید کرد. خواهشمند است هنگام سقوط خونسردی خود را حفظ نموده تا بتوانید اشهد خود را صحیح قرائت نمائید. ارتفاع پرواز به تدریج و شاید هم ناگهانی به صفر خواهد رسید، اما هیچ جای نگرانی نیست. چرا که یک باره تا آسمان هفتم اوج خواهیم گرفت و هوای بهشت هم بسیار عالی گزارش شده است. خلبان پرواز، مرحوم شهید کاپیتان بهشت زاده و ارواح گروه پروازی جایگاه ابدی خوبی را برای شما آرزومندند. |
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+ نوشته شده در
چهارشنبه سیزدهم بهمن 1389ساعت 0:6 توسط NIMA |
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بر دوش دلم بار غمت سنگین است |
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+ نوشته شده در
چهارشنبه سیزدهم بهمن 1389ساعت 0:4 توسط NIMA |
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When creating Husbands, God promised Women that good and ideal Husbands would be found in all corners of the world...
... ... ... And then He made the earth round! In the world of male-female relationships, one single rule applies: · Make the woman happy · Do something she likes and you get points. · Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. · You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played ! SIMPLE DUTIES You go out to buy her what she wants (0 points) In the rain (+8) But return with beer too (-15) HER PROTECTOR You check out a suspicious noise at night (0) You check out the suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0) You check out the suspicious noise and it is something (+5) You pummel it with a baseball bat (+10) It's her cat (-50) SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS You stay by her side the entire party (0) You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school friend (-20) Named Heather (-50) Who is a dancer (-120) And has breast implants (-380) HER BIRTHDAY OR YOUR ANNIVERSARY You give her a dozen roses and a box of chocolates (0) You take her out to dinner (0) You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3) Okay, it's a sports bar (-10) And it's all-you-can-eat night (-30) It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-50) A NIGHT OUT You take her to a movie (0) You take her to a movie she likes (0) You take her to a movie you hate (+10) You take her to a movie you like (-20) It's called 'Death Cop 2 - Revenge' (-50) You lied that it was a foreign film about romantic relationships, orphans or animals (-150) HER RELATIVES She says "My Mother/Father/Sister/Brother is coming to stay with us for a week." You say "Fantastic, I'm really looking forward to it!" (0) You say anything else (-100) YOUR PHYSIQUE You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15) You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10) You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30) You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-500) THE BIG QUESTION She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) (Yes, you lose points no matter what) You immediately reply "Of course not!" (0) You hesitate in responding (-10) You reply, "Uh..." (-20) You reply, "Where?" (-75) Any other response (-200) COMMUNICATION When she wants to talk about something, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0) You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50) You listen for over 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+100) She realizes you have fallen asleep (-400) A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. — Emo Philips 43% of all statistics are worthless. 7/5th of all people do not understand fractions. 99% of lawyers are giving the rest a bad name. A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking. A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age. — Robert Frost A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep. Be naughty – save santa the trip. Better late than... really late. Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire. Crime doesn’t pay… does that mean my job is a crime? Early to rise, and early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead. Drugs cause amnesia and other things I can’t remember. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. Everyone leaves the world a little better – some by leaving. I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?" I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did. My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" My wife said, "I must be late, everyone is all coming back!" My wife told me the car wasn't running well, there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, and she told me it was in the lake. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in!" While driving the car on a cross country trip I decided to lose 120 pounds of ugly fat... I left my wife at a rest stop... A Great JAPANESE Proverb: "If one can do it, U too can do it, If none can do it, U must do it." The IRANIAN Version of that Proverb: "If one can do it, let him do it. If none can do it, why waste our time on it!" Wife: I wish I was a newspaper, So I'd be in your hands all day. Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper, So I could have a new one everyday! CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this! News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message! This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog. All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage. -- Lord Byron I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. -- Marie Corelli After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. -- Hemant Joshi a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. -- Jim Backus A very beautiful woman was walking on the roof of a building and she fell down. On her way falling down, an American man caught her. She said: 'Oh thank you, you saved my life; I'll do ANYTHING for you...' The man said: 'Okay then, kiss me.' She said: 'You PIG! NEVER!' So he said: 'FINE!' and he dropped her down.... So she's falling and screaming... Suddenly a German man caught her in the air from his balcony. She said: 'Oh thank you, you saved me; I'll do anything that you ask...' The guy said: 'Fraulein, kiss me.' She replied: 'Oh you nasty pig! NEVER!' So the man said: 'Fine!!!' and he also dropped her down again. She's falling and thinking that it was better if she kissed one of those men and now she's going to die. Suddenly, a man caught the woman from his balcony. She said: 'Oh thank you, you saved my life, I'll kiss you!!' The man replies: "Astaghfar Allah" and dropped her. The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. He who laughs last didn't get it. There are three sides of an arguement: your side, my side and the right side. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? In God we trust; all others must pay cash. Who are you and how did you get in here? Frank: I'm a locksmith. And... I'm a locksmith... "Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back." - Al Bundy "Fragile. Do not drop." - Posted on a Boeing 757 My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates All generalizations are false, including this one. I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't. - Patrick Murray It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones! - Richard Jeni Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. - Phyllis Diller Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. ... ... The rest cheat in Europe! - Jackie Mason The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. - Henry Youngman |
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+ نوشته شده در
سه شنبه دوازدهم بهمن 1389ساعت 23:45 توسط NIMA |
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صفحه نخست پست الکترونیک آرشیو وبلاگ عناوین مطالب وبلاگ |
| درباره وبلاگ |
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| نوشته های پیشین |
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بهمن 1389 |
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